10 Good Faith Solutions for Baseball’s Ratings Crisis

By Noah Cohen-Greenberg and Sam Mermin

1. Bigger fields

2. Smaller strike zone

3. Automated strike zone

4. Automated strike zone managed by humanoid robot standing behind the umpire

5. Pitchers chill out and stop throwing so hard

6. Bases on fire

7. Fireworks after every hit

8. Bases covered in vaseline

9. Robot announcers

10. Baby announcers

11. Baby robot announcers

12. Floor is lava

13. Celebrity guest throws out the first pitch of every at-bat

14. Each fielder holds an egg on a spoon

15. Any team can request to have Michael Jordan pinch-hit at any time

16. Sexy robot fans

17. Just play basketball

18. Even board games would be more entertaining

19. Parcheesi, even

20. Tophats