By Rich Taylor
“Well, where you gonna go? Let's start there. I mean, sell the team to who? I mean, that's the other thing, I mean, you wanna have this debate? If you wanna look at what would you have this team do to have it be more profitable, make more money, compete more in the current economic system that this game exists, it would be to pick it up and move it somewhere else. And, so, be careful what you ask for.” - Phil Castellini, Cincinnati Reds owner in an interview this week.
“The Reds winning the 1990 World Series remains a special memory for our fans. If we won a bunch of World Series titles, the memories of that magical season would just get devalued. Just look at Boston. When they finally won in 2004, that was special. But then they went and won like two or three more and it’s like ‘yawn,’ right”
“Streaming services equal cha-ching, comprende? I wish there were 162 of ‘em and MLB gave each one game. Ohhhh, baby!” (“Pew Pew” audio presumably accompanied by finger guns)
“What time does this opening game thing start by the way? I want to see Joe Burrow throw the first pitch.”
“How about those Bengals, by the way? Wonder how they pulled that off? I’m going to ping my buddy and mentor Dan Snyder about that.”
“This DeSantis fella seems awfully sharp, doesn’t he?”
“I’ll tell you a great television show, anything with Jim Belushi. Period.”
“I’m not even sure Santa Claus is still a thing, is it? Do kids still believe in that horse**** even with the internet and Google?”
“What do you mean kids may be listening? Do kids even have AM radios?”
“As a fellow entrepreneur, I for one, cannot wait to see what Mark Zuckerberg does next.
“People think I was just born into success. They have no idea about the challenges. I was literally just saying that last night on my monthly Southeby’s art auction Zoom with Don Jr., Scott Eastwood, Kelly Osbourne, and Lachlan Murdoch.”
“That reminds me, I need to Venmo $825K to Jaden Smith.”
“Look at me just yammering away. I talked so long my lobster got warm. Yours too? Here, let’s fix that” (sound of bell ringing)
“My go-to pizza order? Hawaiian. But without the meat part. I say load it up with as many fruits and veggies as possible. And I swear I’m not just saying that because Castellini Company is one of the largest distributors of fresh produce in the United States.”
“So, here’s the truth about rap and hip-hop ‘music’…oh, wait. I’m being told by my staff that we should stop there. Ah, lobsters 2.0 are here. Perfect timing! This has been a delight.” (audible sounds of shells cracking and cork-popping)