By Ju Hernandez
CUL-DE-SAC - A group of men attending an obligatory neighborhood Round Robin celebration came to the realization that they were all potential professional athletes at some point during high school.
All of the men’s dreams were also reportedly dashed by minor injuries, the most common perpetrators being sprained ankles and hair-line fractured fingers.
As one on-looker observed, “Yeah, it started with Dad telling Mr. Johnson that he played basketball in high school. Then they both talked about being point guards. Then Mr. Johnson said he landed really hard after a lay-up and sprained his ankle. That’s when Dad started his big story about almost going to state had it not been for his sprained ankle.”
Witnesses report that at least five other men nearby joined the conversation, all with similar experiences of almost making it in sports.
The potential, high-performing, professional athletes included two high school football players, a little league hockey goalie, a tennis player who couldn’t afford “the good equipment,” and a parks league amateur baseball player who suffered a tragic cup malfunction.
The group of men shared their sorrow over holiday drinks while ignoring detractors.
As one woman taunted, “Oh, please, Mike! You played J.V. for three years and only made Varsity ‘cause you were a senior!”
Later in the night, they also lovingly embraced Jerry, their “new gay neighbor,” who revealed that he once injured himself at college dance rehearsals for the musical, “Rent,” leaving his understudy to fill in.
All present agreed that dance is equally athletic and Jerry’s loss equally tragic.
No plans have been made to meet for future gatherings unless otherwise made obligatory by significant others.
End of the Bench will have more as this story develops.