matt ryan indianapolis colts

Man Granted Transfer Request After Facing Years of Harassment From Florida Man

INDIANAPOLIS - An Atlanta man has relocated both he and his family to the Indianapolis area after being harassed by a Florida man for over a decade. 

Matt Ryan, a father of two who worked as a signal-caller for the National Football League Inc.'s Atlanta office for 14 years, was finally granted an interdepartmental transfer after years of “constant harassment” by a man named Tom Brady, who works in the same capacity for the company’s Tampa Bay office. 

A leaked human resources complaint showed that while Ryan had no personal problems with Brady, the two did have a “contentious work relationship,” specifically when the two offices hosted each other for networking events over the last couple of years.

“They would just go at it constantly,” a co-worker of Ryan who requested anonymity said. “Matt is more of an even-keeled guy and Tom is shit-starter, and I think he [Tom] knows that, so he uses it to try and get under his skin when he comes into the office. He’ll shoot rubber bands at him, put whoopie cushions under his seat, you name it. He lives rent free in Matt's head.”

Further investigation revealed the workplace rivalry dates back to as early as 2016, which included an incident where Brady upstaged Ryan at what was “arguably the biggest moment of his [Ryan’s] entire professional career,” a source close to the situation told EOTB. 

“After that, it was just over for Matt, he's been looking for a change ever since,” the source (who wanted on record that he was NOT Tony Romo) added. “I don’t blame him for trying to get away, Tom is an asshole. Sure, he makes everyone else more competitive and has posted great numbers annually while leading his teams to overwhelming success, but still, just an asshole.”

While Ryan has managed to put up impressive numbers in his own right, Brady has managed to secure historic professional success, one he even considered walking away from earlier this year with a surprise retirement announcement.

“But then three weeks later he calls me, laughing, and says ‘You stupid bitch, I’m not actually retiring. Early April Fool’s!’ which was…funny, I guess,” Ryan said at the time when asked about the un-retirement. “I thought I was just going to be able to finally move on in my life, but I guess the joke is on me again. So hilarious.”

While the lateral move won’t completely eliminate Ryan’s chances of having to deal with Brady ever again, it does put him in a new office, where he’ll have the opportunity to serve as a Team Lead, something the longtime signal caller is relishing.

“I’m excited. New beginnings are always good, right?” Ryan told EOTB as he was cleaning out his workspace Monday afternoon. “And honestly, I wish Tom all the best, I do, and I – HOLY FUCK, MY HAND. HE PUT A FUCKING RAT TRAP IN MY DRAWER.”

Ryan will officially start in his new role later this fall after summer orientation, known informally as “mini-camp,” which kicks off in July.

“CAN’T WAIT,” Ryan said gritting his teeth as he held back tears. “CAN’T FUCKING WAIT.”

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