missing child movie theater

Man Loses Fantasy Baseball Matchup, Child Over the Weekend

SIOUX CITY, IOWA - Local resident Jared Beard officially lost his fantasy baseball matchup over the weekend, a heartbreaking defeat that comes on the heels of the software salesman losing his son Friday evening.

“Yeah, it was a stressful situation, to say the least,” Beard said when reached for comment. “I was up three categories going into Sunday when all of the sudden, my team decides to shit the bed. I was devastated, I could barely think about anything else.”

And as far as his child?

“Oh yeah, we found him,” Beard, whose team now sits in 10th place following the loss, said. “We were at the movies, and I pulled out my phone for two seconds to check my lineup since I hadn’t looked in a couple of hours and he just wandered out the emergency exit and fell into the drainage ditch behind the theater.”

The loss didn’t go unnoticed.

“Well, my wife doesn’t really care about fantasy sports, so I don't think it bothered her that much,” he said. “She was, however, pretty pissed when I told her I had to call underwater search and rescue because I couldn't find our first child."

Beard will look to climb out of the depths of his fantasy league and the doghouse this coming week, as the MLB season starts to round into full form.

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