Two months into the 2022 MLB season, sources within the New York Mets organization believe that their success so far, including an 8.5 game lead in the National League East division, will allow them to collapse down the stretch in the most impressively embarrassing fashion the franchise has ever seen.
“It’s early so I don’t want to jinx anything,” said New York Mets GM Billy Eppler while booking a Caribbean cruise for himself the day after the regular season is set to end, “but I think this could be one of the biggest seasons in NY Mets history. For the worse, of course. We’re on track for a truly historic run of losses starting in September. I mean, that’s what we play for, right? We’re the Mets; we play to win big so we can lose even bigger.”
Even veteran presences like Mets Manager Buck Showalter, who has helmed five teams over a three-decade coaching career, can’t hide their enthusiasm over the impending implosion of the team.
“You know, I had my fingers crossed before the season, but we won’t need luck to absolutely flame out the last twenty games or so,” said Showalter as he purchased non-refundable tickets to Billy Joel’s October performance at MSG. “We have the hallmarks of every great, then brutally horrible, Mets team: All-Star pitchers who will inexplicably break bones no one has ever heard of, some of the highest-paid players who will hit like Little Leaguers come September, and a record at the end of May that just screams, “this can’t keep up, right?”
That type of thinking has spread to the clubhouse, with many players unable to contain their excitement at the prospect of such a historic season. Pete Alonso, one of the younger players on the Mets roster, noted he had trouble keeping himself grounded amid talk of an all-time Mets season.
“I can’t believe we might go down in history as the most “Mets” Mets team of all time,” said Alonso, walking through the clubhouse and admiring photographs of previous Mets icons who crashed and burned in September. “You look up to these guys as kids, thinking how can they do it? How is it humanly possible for a team to lead the division in late September and still not make the playoffs? But the 2007 Mets went ahead and did it. That’s the type of legacy I’m going to be a part of, I’m sure of it.”
Stadium officials reportedly breathed a sigh of relief knowing they won’t have to schedule any game promotions after September 30th.