NCAA Reportedly “Bored" At Work

NCAA Reportedly “Bored" At Work

INDIANAPOLIS - Work output at the National Collegiate Athletic Association has reportedly hit a "historic low," sources tell End of the Bench.

Following the NCAA’s self-abolishment of its own Name, Image and Likeness rules earlier this summer, the 501c3 non-profit has reportedly had “a lot of free time on its hands” now that it is no longer governing over whether collegiate student-athletes should be able to make money off of their own likeness.

“I have never been so fucking bored in my life,” NCAA president Mark Emmert said in an interview with EOTB Tuesday. “Like 80% of my work week went out the window after we got rid of them [NIL] and now everybody is like all mad at me or whatever. I don’t really know what to do with myself anymore.”

Prior to 2021, the NCAA spent a significant amount of resources investigating student-athletes that accepted what at the time were classified as “improper benefits” or money made off of endeavors like YouTube channels or branded merchandise.

The relinquishment of the NIL governance comes after a heated battle against former student athletes, one that recently found its way to the Supreme Court, which ruled in June that that student athletes can finally be compensated, somewhat, for their athletic services.

"Nowhere else in America can businesses get away with agreeing not to pay their workers a fair market rate on the theory that their product is defined by not paying their workers a fair market rate," Justice Brett Kavanaugh wrote in his decision. "And under ordinary principles of antitrust law, it is not evident why college sports should be any different. The NCAA is not above the law."

As a result, the NCAA had no choice but to let go of the reins, and indirectly, a majority of their workload. 

“Does anybody actually know what we do here anymore?” an anonymous NCAA administrative official told EOTB. “Seriously, what else do we actually accomplish at this institution on a daily basis?”

The same source went on to say that the NCAA has been “lost” ever since that very same Supreme Court ruling.

“Watching paint dry would be more exciting and fulfilling than working here [NCAA] right now, it’s that boring.”

The NCAA has called for a formal meeting later this year, where the future of the once proud governing body will most likely be decided. 

“I may just be out of a job come 2022, but we’ll see what happens I guess,” Emmert, who recently got a 1000-piece puzzle to take up some free time, said. “Do you want to play Connect Four or something?”

While the NCAA looks for its own identity, college athletes have wasted no time in racking up endorsement deals, including Alabama quarterback Bryce Young, who has reportedly earned nearly a million dollars all before his first collegiate start.

“These kids make more money than I do now,” Emmert, who doesn’t actually participate in any of the NCAA programs he oversees, said. “Maybe I will start selling some t-shirts or something, call it ‘Mark Merch.’ That’ll show ‘em.”
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