old baseball glove

Old Baseball Glove Announces Retirement

YOUR GARAGE - Former sporting goods store cover model and one-time birthday gift Baseball Glove announced its retirement today, bringing a 10-year career as the go-to-choice for after-work catch with your dad to a close.

“I want to thank everybody in the organization, you all are like family, especially Dad, who gave me my first shot so many years ago and then again when he passed me down to First Born Son on his 8th birthday as a present,” Glove said in press conference from your garage Wednesday. “My career has been everything I could have hoped for and more, but it’s time for me to move on.”

Sources tell End of the Bench that the decision to retire prior to baseball season’s end was a “mutual one,” adding that both Glove and the family front office wanted what was best for each other but recognized the mitt could no longer handle the day-to-day rigors of First-Born Son’s current little league schedule.

“After I let a grounder get through last week, I kind of fell apart at the seams,” the one-time Signature Rawlings model said. “That’s when I knew it was time.”

While no definitive next steps were announced, the leather finger mitten is looking forward to taking some time off before going into charity work, specifically at the bottom of the donation bin at the local Goodwill.

Now that Glove’s retirement is out of the way, all eyes will now turn to Old Basketball Shoes as they both enter what could be their upcoming final season.

“They’re moving noticeably slower, not even really getting many minutes most nights,” a source tells End of the Bench. “It’s gotten to be kind of a running joke around here, actually.”

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