Report: He’s Open

Report: He’s Open

LOCAL PARK NEAR YOU - Park attendees and lunchtime walkers confirmed Thursday that the man playing wide receiver on your touch football team is indeed open.

“He’s beating his man downfield every time, how can you not see that?” said a source, who is also your teammate. “Do I need to take over or what?”

The open man in question also confirmed to EOTB that he has been “open literally the entire fucking time.”

“Throw me the fucking ball man,”  your receiver says. “Are you mad at me or something?”

At the time of publication, your team was losing by one or two touchdowns. 

Or was it three? Is anybody actually keeping score?
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