AUSTIN, TEXAS - Lawmakers have proposed a bill this week that would eliminate the two-point conversion from football games played within the state of Texas, the latest in a string of legislative decisions aimed at banning things seen as widely accepted.
The bill will head to the desk of Governor Greg Abbott, who is expected to sign it immediately without public debate or outside consultation.
"It's time we get back to playing the game the way we guess the founding fathers of football intended,” Abbott said in a press conference Monday morning. “There’s no reason to take into account the mountains of research, data, and human evolution that suggest safer and better ways to play."
The two-point conversion was introduced into professional football in 1994 and is widely seen as a commonsense regulation to the game that extends the life of its players, who until then were forced to continue to play through repeating overtimes, risking further life-threatening injury.
For this reason, Texas Senator Ted Cruz (R) also strongly supports the new bill.
"The two-point conversion is an abomination that never had a place in our society and should be eliminated for the safety of all players," Cruz remarked.
When asked to explain his own position after being shown evidence to contradict his assertion, he accused our own reporter of being a propagandist with a political agenda and walked briskly away.
Critics of the bill argue that teams will still attempt two-point conversions, and without proper play callers, more severe injuries are likely.
“These are complex plays, and if something goes wrong and there’s no one there to blow the whistle, who knows what kind of carnage might follow,” a spokesperson for a two-point conversion advocacy organization commented.
Some supporters of the legislation, however, say it doesn’t go far enough.
“A player could just drive across the border and play a pickup game with their buddies in New Mexico and score as many two-point conversions as they want!" a comment under the news article shared on Facebook read. "That goes against the spirit of the bill, and those players should be punished when they return."
With two-point conversions set to become illegal, all signs point to air conditioning and ten-gallon hats as the next things to be made punishable by Texas law.
End of the Bench will have more as this story develops.